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2006/04/24

Busy

This is the trying time, it appears.

Countdown to my first exam is roughly one week.

Turned in final memo today.

Hopefully, once the chaos has calmed, I'll be able to resume everyday posting- for now, however, it's a luxury (and a pleasure) I can't afford.

I'll post when I can.

2006/04/17

Home Stretch

Spent eight or so hours yesterday surfing LexisNexis and hammering out the first draft of my memo. "Draft" might be a strong word for the helter-skelter arrangement of words on a page, but I'm feeling generous.

My Torts professor is talking about consortium- the rights of a spouse to sue for the loss of companionship and/or sexual relations. He keeps saying "consor-Tee-um," because he's from the North. I've always pronounced the word as "consor-Shee-um," because that's the way I've always heard it.

I just checked dictionary.com and, apparently, we're both right. Oh well. I hate contests, but the story line is always more interesting when there's a winner and a loser.

2006/04/16

Nothing.

That's what I've done over the past two days.

Glorious, unabashed, uninhibited nothing- it's been great.

Friday I drove up Highway 3 to Yazoo City from Vicksburg- one of the most beautiful drives I've ever been on. The weather was perfect and, to top it off, I passed a junkyard that had a Toyota Camry in it. So I was able to get two working seatbelt holders for five dollars. So now I'm legal.

Yesterday I hid Easter Eggs for my neices and went out to eat at a fancy Japanese restaurant.

Sometimes, it is important to do "nothing" if only so the doing of "something" later won't be so difficult. Our metaphysical gas tanks must be refilled during a long drive if we hope to go anywhere at all.

2006/04/13

First Memo

This is a VERY long post, so skip if uninterested. I'm mostly posting it here for posterity's sake, as anything uploaded on the Internet lasts forever. You've been warned.




MEMORANDUM

TO: Senior Partner
FROM: XXX-XX-XXX
DATE: March 29, 2006
RE: Magnum Millwrights, Inc. (legality of Mr. Sorenson’s termination)

Issue

Whether Magnum Millwrights, Inc. could legally terminate Mr. Sorenson under the Family Leave and Medical Act (FMLA).

Brief Answer

Likely. Although Mr. Sorenson’s injury qualified as a “serious health condition,” the court will probably determine that he failed to provide the requisite notice. As a result, he was properly terminated for breaching the agreement between Magnum and the Amalgamated Tradesmen’s Union.

Facts


Magnum Millwrights, Inc. (hereinafter “Magnum”) is a cabinet and shelving manufacturer. Mr. Sorenson was an employee of Magnum from August 12, 1998 until December 15, 2006. As a non-management employee, he was represented by the Amalgamated Tradesmen’s Union (hereinafter the “ATU”). Under an agreement with the ATU, any employee who accumulates eight unexcused absences in a calendar year is terminated. At the time of the incident in question, Mr. Sorenson had 7 unexcused absences.

On December 8, Mr. Sorenson was injured while stacking lumber on a conveyor system. As a computer systems expert for the company, he was acting outside the scope of his employment. He also violated safety regulations by not turning off power to the conveyor system or placing a lock on the power switch to ensure that it remained in the off position. These violations directly contributed to his injury. At the hospital, physicians determined that he had broken a number of bones in his hand and scheduled surgery for the next day. After routine surgery on December 9, Mr. Sorenson went home.

The agreement between ATU and Magnum provides that an employee who can do so must call the human resources office as soon as the employee knows he or she will miss work. No one at Magnum heard anything from Mr. Sorenson for a week. Mr. Sorenson was terminated on December 15 for missing 8 unexcused days in a calendar year. On December 16, he reported to work and was told he had been terminated.

Discussion


Although the FMLA is a recently new piece of legislation, it has been heavily contested in the courts since its 1993 inception. Furthermore, adoption of the pertinent Code of Federal Regulations has clarified much of the ambiguity present in the United States Code. Courts frequently turn to these regulations, as well as the burgeoning case law, when determining the outcome of FMLA-related claims.

The court will likely engage in the following analysis to determine whether Mr. Sorenson’s termination was allowed under the FMLA: 1) Does Mr. Sorenson’s condition qualify as a “serious health condition,” 2) did Mr. Sorenson provide adequate notice, and 3) did Magnum fulfill its responsibilities to Mr. Sorenson? Pursuant to this analysis, it will be necessary to discuss 4) the potential liability to our client if it is determined that Magnum violated the FMLA.

1) Does Mr. Sorenson’s condition qualify as a “serious health condition?”

The FMLA defines a “serious health condition” as an illness or injury that involves inpatient care in a hospital and continuing treatment by a health care provider. 29 U.S.C § 2611 (11) (2000). Inpatient care is generally defined as being admitting to the hospital and remaining there overnight. Mr. Sorenson’s stay on the night of December 8 and his three subsequent visits to his physician for X-rays and cast changes will likely meet this FMLA requirement.

However, since “the goal [of the FMLA] is not to supplant employer-established sick leave,” it is questionable whether FMLA applies to inpatient care that occurs simply because no doctor was on duty. Satterfield v. Wal-Mart Stores, Inc., 135 F.3d 973, 981 (5th Cir. 1998) (quoting Price v. City of Fort Wayne, 117 F.3d 1022, 1023 (7th Cir. 1997). In the same vein, FMLA should not be applied because Magnum’s group health insurance coverage would have covered the nature of Mr. Sorenson’s accident, thereby rendering moot the intended purpose of the Act. The fact that several employees at Magnum have serious health problems and have not been terminated should help augment this line of reasoning in court.

The strength of this argument will hinge on the judge’s interpretation of the Code, but it is evident from case law that judges generally rule (even if grudgingly) according to the text of the FMLA. In one case, a judge hesitated to define a condition involving strep throat as a “serious health condition,” even though it was within the textual definition of the C.F.R. The judge noted that the flu, which is more serious, is specifically excluded from the FMLA, whereas strep throat is not. Even after this analysis, however, he accepted the broadened Congressional definition and concluded that the condition qualified as “serious” for the purposes of the FMLA. Brannon v. OshKosh B’Gosh, Inc., 897 F.Supp. 1028 (M.D. Tenn. 1995).

There is an opposing policy argument. Mr. Sorenson’s health condition was caused by his own negligence. None of the case law presented specifically addresses this situation, but it is clear that one of the purposes of the FMLA is to provide leave for employees “in a manner that accommodates the legitimate interests of employers.” 29 U.S.C. § 2601(b)(3) (2000). Is it in the legitimate interests of employers to retain workers who negligently injure themselves on the job? Courts have shown that they are wary to implement policies that would be “unduly burdensome for employers.” Satterfield, 135 F.3d at 981. The success of such a policy argument will depend on the judge’s determination of the Act’s intended purpose.

2) Did Mr. Sorenson provide adequate notice?

Both the FMLA and the applicable case law require notice. Since it is undisputed that Mr. Sorenson’s accident was unforeseeable, the courts will likely turn to the Code of Federal Regulations for clarity. The Code holds that when leave is unforeseeable, an employee should give notice requesting FMLA coverage “as soon as practicable under the facts and circumstances of the particular case.” 29 C.F.R. § 825.303 (2005). The Code continues by stating the expectation is to give notice within no more than one or two working days after learning leave is needed, except in extraordinary circumstances. Id.

It is unlikely that the court will view Mr. Sorenson’s circumstances as extraordinary. He was admitted the hospital, kept overnight, and had routine surgery the next morning before going home. It is undisputed that he made no contact with Magnum for a week after the accident. A broken hand is not enough to warrant silence. The Code sets out a variety of ways in which Sorenson could have elected to contact Magnum: in person, by telephone, by fax, or through a spokesperson. 29 C.F.R. § 825.303(b) (2005). The Satterfield Court noted that the employee had access to a phone on numerous occasions, called her mother, and yet did not attempt to contact the store. Satterfield, 135 F.3d at 979.

Opposing counsel will likely insist that circumstances of the case are such that the plant physician provided constructive notice to Magnum when he told Mr. Gonzales that if Mr. Sorenson’s hand was broken, he would likely be out for a week or two. Under this theory, they would argue that the plant physician acted as Mr. Sorenson’s spokesperson. 29 C.F.R. § 825.303(b) (2005). The FMLA does not support this argument. The plant’s physician told Mr. Gonzales that he “didn’t know for sure” the extent of Mr. Sorenson’s injuries, thus his role as a spokesperson is flawed- his information (and lack thereof) did not trigger FMLA leave. Mr. Sorenson’s injuries were not determined until a later date. The purpose of notice is to avoid this exact type of ambiguity and confusion. It is clear that the employee or spokesperson need not mention the FMLA, but they must “state that leave is needed.” 29 C.F.R. § 825.303(b) (2005). No one ever told Mr. Gonzales or Magnum that leave was needed. It was only suggested that it might be needed, a statement which is always true.

As if anticipating this exact scenario, the Code explicitly states that “the employer's designation decision must be based only on information received from the employee or the employee's spokesperson…” 29 C.F.R. § 825.208(a) (2005) (emphasis added). Thus, under a plain reading of the law, only information forthcoming from Mr. Sorenson or his spokesperson can be used to make an FMLA determination. What Mr. Gonzales or the plant physician witnessed or surmised is not legally sufficient to trigger notice.

Case law has repeatedly stated that notice must be specific enough to warrant FMLA protection. In Satterfield, the employee stated that she “had pain in her side and would be unable to report to work,” and the Court held that such a statement was not adequate. Satterfield, 135 F.3d at 980. In a similar case, an employee contacted Ford’s Labor Relations Department three times stating he was sick and unable to report for work, and the employer was granted summary judgment on the notice issue. Carter v. Ford Motor Co. 121 F.3d 1146 (8th Cir. 1997). Here, Mr. Sorenson failed to contact Magnum with any information regarding his injury, and the statements of the plant physician are equivocal at best. This would certainly fail the Manuel test as outlined in Satterfield, which asks whether any rational trier of fact could determine that the employee’s acts reasonably apprised the employer of the need to take leave due to a serious health condition. Satterfield, 135 F.3d at 980.

Since the court will look at each case individually, it is clear from the case law that two facts about Mr. Sorenson’s work record with the company will be pertinent to the court’s analysis concerning notice. It is undisputed in the record that Mr. Sorenson had 7 unexcused absences before the accident. Witnesses have even heard him boast about how he likes to take time off simply because he can. This understandably clouds our client’s judgment as to whether Mr. Sorenson is in fact seriously injured or just taking another unpaid day off from work. Courts have been willing to accept this argument. Satterfield, 135 F.3d at 983. Furthermore, the fact that Mr. Sorenson had successfully applied for FMLA earlier in the year demonstrates that he understood the procedure. Courts are unwilling to assume employee ignorance about FMLA procedures when a prior, successful use of the statute can be shown. Id. at 980.

However, more than mere notice is required under the FMLA. 29 C.F.R. § 825.302(c) states that "an employee shall provide at least verbal notice sufficient to make the employer aware that the employee needs FMLA-qualifying leave, and the anticipated timing and duration of the leave." (2005, emphasis added.) In Collins v. NTN-Bower Corp., (quoting Satterfield), it was determined that this section applied to unforeseeable leave. Collins, 272 F.3d 1006 (7th Cir. 2001). Applying this rationale, the court in the Collins decision held that FMLA requires that an employee not only supply notice, but also give an idea into how much leave is needed. Id. at 1008. No one provided this information to Magnum.

It is likely that opposing counsel will contend that 29 C.F.R § 825.302 was written to cover only those circumstances in which advance notice is possible. However, in Collins, the courts agreed with the Satterfield opinion when it reiterated that the Section covers “all particulars of notice, and 29 C.F.R. § 825.303 states an exception to the timing rule. Collins, 272 F.3d at 1008. Thus it is clear that although the accident was unforeseeable, Mr. Sorenson was still required to inform his employer of both the need and estimated duration of the leave.

3) Did Magnum fulfill its responsibilities to Mr. Sorenson?

It is undisputed among the parties that Magnum has properly posted FMLA notices as required by law. Furthermore, Magnum provided Mr. Sorenson with a notice of FMLA rights roughly a month before the accident took place.

With that determined the court will likely look at the relationship between the FMLA and the ATU. The Gilliam Court held that “nothing in the FMLA or the implementing regulations prevents an employer from enforcing a rule requiring employees on FMLA leave to keep the employer informed about the employee's plans.” Gilliam v. United Parcel Service, Inc., 233 F.3d 969, 972 (7th Cir. 2000). This statement is potentially devastating to opposing counsel, as it could foreseeably allow Magnum to terminate Mr. Sorenson for not meeting employer requirements even if FMLA had been triggered. Since it is unclear whether or not FMLA applied to Mr. Sorenson’s case, this makes his responsibilities to Magnum even more pertinent. Employees at Magnum have a duty to call the human resources office as soon as they know time off is needed. Mr. Sorenson did not contact anyone at Magnum for a week. Clearly he was in violation of the agreement, irregardless of FMLA procedures. This would, theoretically at least, give Magnum a substantive right to terminate Mr. Sorenson, even if notice had been given. The Carter Court seems to intimate that even if notice had been given, the employee still had a duty to conform to company procedures. Carter, 121 F.3d at 1147. One cannot leave a place of employment, ignore company procedures, and then march back in under the banner of the FMLA.

The court will also look at the ATU’s position regarding Mr. Sorenson, as their actions toward their members are given broad latitude and treated with deference. Id. at 1149 (quoting Air Line Pilots Ass'n, Int'l v. O'Neill, 499 U.S. 65, 78 (1991). It is clear from the union representative’s statements that although they might file a grievance, he didn’t see how the ATU could successfully reinstate Mr. Sorenson. Although such an opinion is somewhat ancillary to the FMLA analysis, it shows that the ATU agreed with Magnum’s actions. This lends credence to the position that Mr. Sorenson breached the agreement.

Opposing counsel might point to 29 C.F.R. § 825.305(a), which requires a company to provide a medical certification form each time one is required for the FMLA. Magnum did not provide this certification form after the accident. However, since FMLA leave was never triggered, Magnum had no foreseeable reason to release the form to Mr. Sorenson. The Stubl Court placed the initial onus of notice on the employee, then shifted the burden to the employer to inquire into FMLA leave and provide the necessary forms. Stubl v. T.A. Systems, Inc., 984 F.Supp. 1075, 1089 (E.D. Mich. 1997). It then follows that if notice had not been triggered, the company would have no responsibility to produce the necessary documents. Thus this argument hinges on whether Mr. Sorenson provided notice. The court, as stated above, will likely conclude that he did not.

Magnum could also benefit from shifting the FMLA dialogue by articulating legitimate, non-discriminatory reasons for his termination which Mr. Sorenson cannot show to be pretextual. Id. at 1091. If Mr. Sorenson does not know exactly why he was fired, it would behoove Magnum to amend the decision (if within its legal rights) to include any reason for a possible dismissal under the Agreement. It is important to note that Magnum need not convince the Court that they were motivated by the actual reasons, so long as the reasons legally justify the termination. Id. at 1091. Possible reasons for termination that should be explored include negligently operating the conveyor system and acting beyond the scope of his employment.

4) What is Magnum’s potential liability if Court determines they violated the Act?

As improbable as it might be, potential liability should be briefly discussed in order to better prepare Magnum. An employee who takes FMLA qualified leave is entitled to return to the same position he left or one with equal pay and benefits. Also, his medical expenses are to be covered under the pertinent group health plan at Magnum. 29 U.S.C. § 2614 (2000).
At trial, Mr. Sorenson could be awarded the wages he would have earned while out plus interest, in addition to liquidated damages that would effectively double the award. 29 U.S.C. § 2617 (2000). Since Mr. Sorenson left in December and brought Action in late February, there could be a sizable amount of money at stake. However, there is an excellent chance that the court would find that Magnum had a “good faith” reason to believe it was not violating the FMLA, thus dismissing the liquidated damages. Id. The combination of Magnum’s compliance with FMLA regulations, lack of verbal notice on Mr. Sorenson’s part, and the ATU’s tacit acceptance of the termination all point to such a ruling.

However, if victorious, the court will likely award him reasonable attorney’s fees. Id.

Conclusion

Upon close examination, it is clear that Mr. Sorenson did, in fact, suffer from a “serious health condition” as outlined in the C.F.R. He spent the night in a hospital and subsequently visited a doctor numerous times. Although courts are hesitant to broaden the scope of the FMLA to cover all situations that would fit under its umbrella, they generally will. Even more importantly, they show a disfavor in letting this issue be the one that eventually determines the outcome of the case. Our best option is to advocate strongly the intended goal of the FMLA, and argue that it was not designed to cover this particular situation. It is a somewhat compelling argument to make, but one that will probably fail. In this instance, most courts feel forced to accept the Congressional limits, as they have little power to change it.

Under a clear reading of the statutes in question and the C.F.R., it is evident that Mr. Sorenson failed to provide any type of actual notice. He also failed to follow company regulations when he failed to contact the human resources department after the accident. As courts tend to narrowly construe the textual intent of the FMLA, it is unlikely that they will rule in Mr. Sorenson’s favor. His best chance of victory lies in a policy-oriented arguments that the courts (at least from the cases provided) have been wary to accept.

Lastly, it is clear that Magnum met its responsibilities regarding Mr. Sorenson. They
posted all FMLA notices and even personally handed Mr. Sorenson a copy of his rights a month before the accident. As such, they were legally compelled to do nothing more until Mr. Sorenson contacted them with information regarding his condition that would reasonably trigger FMLA protection.

Small Victories and Battle Plans

Made an "A" on my first memo-

Now it's a long weekend working on the second, in hopes that I can keep it up.

2006/04/10

Ten Best Einstein Quotes


10. Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius—and a lot of courage—to move in the opposite direction.

9. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

8. Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.

7. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

6. Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.

5. Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.

4. The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.

3. Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.

2. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

1. If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber.

19

out of 20, that is.

The funny thing is that the very thing I attacked ended up helping me in the end. I had a little trouble on the last one, but I completed enough of the steps to earn 3 points out of 4.

From what I've heard in the trenches, a 19 is nothing to sneeze at- a lot of people have done far worse.

The first tether holding my 1L summer cargo ship to port has been cut- time to hack away at another one.

Zero Hour

In approximately 35 minutes I take my legal research "practical" exam. Basically, I'm given thirty minutes to find the answers to five research questions. It counts for 20% of the class grade.

I'm okay with that, but apparently you earn points not only for finding the right answer, but by finding the right answer a certain way. It's like third-grade math class all over again- you know, the teacher who demanded that you "show your work." The whole thing is absurd, if you ask me. It shouldn't matter if a student finds the answer by praying to Buddha- what matters is if they can get the right answer. That's what matters in the real world- producing the intended result. No one cares if your shoes were tied while you did it.

Oh well- I'm nothing but a cog in this fated machine, it appears. So be it.

2006/04/09

Meaning

Modern man has much to lament, as meaning has ceased to accompany many of his acts. Acts exist not as reflections on a larger truth, but as mere physical movements on an earthly stage.

I say this as a reflection of what I see at law school- many of my peers want nothing more than a high-paying job at a prestigious firm. It is the end-all, be-all of their existence. It bleeds past academia and infiltrates their personal lives, mannerisms, and set of personal values. I am positive that most of them will be successful in reaching this goal that they've set. That is not what I question- I question the goal itself.

When challenged from this angle, most will fall back on the old human fallacy that they'll change their ways once the money rolls in- that the very thing that forces them to be prisoners to a rigid schedule will give them freedom once their sentence is up. It is, in most cases, merely an alluring dream. Humans rarely reassess their values, and rarely if ever choose to meaningfully act on that reassessment to change the direction of their lives.

Reassessment rarely occurs because it requires us to take a close look at the very lens through which we look at everything else. It is so close, so much a part of us, that it eludes our search. Even if the lens is faulty, the fault becomes so universal that we take it as truth. There is, after all, nothing to compare the skewed vision with. As such, the questions of why we want something and how to change the why scarcely enter our minds, much less receive the mental effort they deserve.

Although I criticize my peers, I am guilty of the same thing. Or at least, I once was.

I think maturity is, in essence, a settling of personal values- the calm of solid bedrock long after the quakes and aftershocks have passed away. I can not claim to have a monopoly on maturity or a superiority in values, but I am confident enough in my choices to divulge them here.

I value family, time, growth, knowledge, and nature. I want nothing more than a little white farmhouse on a small piece of land where I can watch my kids grow up. I want to love my wife. I want enough money to get by without losing sleep at night. I want time to walk with my family through the sacred woods at least once a week. I always want to learn, regardless of the subject matter. I want to grow spiritually and emotionally.

Those are my goals.

I wish luck to my peers who have decided to forsake these things for jobs that require 80 hours a week. I have grown too old to try and convince others to change their minds, and too apathetic to worry that they'll one day be unhappy. Such is not my cross to bear. Perhaps it is the path for them. Perhaps they have more insight than me. Perhaps I should even act according to their aspirations.

But I won't. I'll choose living over existing any day of the week.

Workload

The grind that is the final weeks of law school has finally begun. I'm about to travel to the library and spend the next ten hours or so finishing my Contracts assignment, working on my second memo, and practicing for my research exam. The next three weeks will be characterized by a severe lack of sleep, an intense amount of pressure, and a lot of despair.

In other words, it'll be law school on steroids.

Some of it I could have done earlier, but I'm the type who performs better under pressure. Waiting until the last minute generally produces, at least for me, a better product. It is somewhat nerve-wracking, however, to test that hypothesis every single time. When you procrastinate, there's no safety net, just a long way down to the bottom.

Here's hoping I come through this experience with all my limbs (and most of my sanity) intact.

2006/04/06

A Way To Get Back


I think I've discovered the only way to revive the spirit of baseball, and finally do away with the rotting corpse that is the Barry Bonds era.

Intentionally walk him- every series, every game, every at bat- even if it means walking in the other team's winning run. Send a strong message that the schedules and the contracts and the championships and the records mean nothing if they're not achieved with honor and dignity.

Take the bat from the hands of the one man who has the power to destroy the history of such a grand game. Let him complain (while saving face) and then fade away into the dim passages of history.

Pitchers will pitch to a homerun hitter on several occasions, just for the spirit of the game. They want to "go after" him, challenge his abilities. And if a home run happens, the pitcher shrugs and mentally tips his hat. This is out of respect for the batter and the game itself.

Barry has lost that respect. So roll the ball toward the plate. Throw it at the backstop. Wild pitches will work if no one's on base. Three feet behind his back. Planned pitch-out to catch the runner at first. Lose the handle on the ball and hit a guy in the dugout. Do whatever it takes- but don't let Barry swing the bat.

Rules of decency must be temporarily suspended, if the game is to survive at all.

Ten Grand

As of right now, I'm 24 visits away from the blog counter rolling over 10,000 hits.

When I started, I couldn't imagine that many visits to the site- even conservatively, we're talking about500-600 unique individuals.

Thank you, everyone, for supporting this blog.

If you happen to be the 10,000th visitor, please leave a comment and let me know.

2006/04/05

Sick Six


Recently, six Mississippi State football players where charged with simple assault on an off-duty police officer. From all accounts, this took place in a public location with multiple witnesses. At the time (not that this matters) it's pretty clear they didn't know he was a cop.

Of course, the local news stations are going nuts. Guess what the fuss is about- not that they had the audacity to do such a stupid thing, but what will happen to their football careers.

The MSU coach has suspended them and is awaiting further legal action until deciding on further disciplinary measures.

Here's what drives me nuts- if the President had done this, he would have already resigned. No political figure- from the top to the bottom- could have survived such an event. However, athletes can. And the news, picking up on this vibe, focuses the story not on the injured police officer but the fact that the players (two of whom are starters, I believe) won't get to play in at least a few football games. Whoop-de-doo.

I understand that everyone deserves a fair trial, but it appears that in this case we should be focusing on the police officer (not to mention what kind of society condones this reprehensible behavior) and not whether six alleged criminals get to play a game.

Much like the Provine coach I blogged about earlier, this is an example of society placing the value of sports above that of human decency.

I have a sinking suspicion that when the final buzzer sounds, we're going to realize we've been using the wrong scoreboard.

2006/04/04

Numbers Game

Tomorrow at 1:23 A.M. or P.M., it will be...

1:23, 04/05/06

Won't happen again for a hundred years.

Not that it matters- I just thought it was neat.

Tidbits

According to recent sports drink commercials, black men are born Alien-style from basketballs and white women, similarly, come from volleyballs.

What's hilarious is that the company in question could never have used a white man for the basketball commercial. That wouldn't have any street cred with the consumer. When we think basketball player, the social conscious has turned to the archetype of a tall, black man. Likewise, volleyball instantly means white Ambercrombie & Fitch polo shirt model who, from time to time, likes to sweat in the pursuit of athletic excellence.

Ridiculous.

In other news, there's three men in Jackson who are claiming they're not in a gang. Of course, they have 55 arrests among them and formed their rap group after meeting in jail. Surely anyone who thinks they are in a gang is simply nuts. (Methinks they do protest too much.)

A few days ago a guy was killed after running a railroad track in south Jackson. People who live in the city are blaming the fact that the lights at the intersection that were being installed hadn't started working yet. While a tragedy, I can't help but rationally think that it was a train. Lights or not, they don't exactly sneak up on you.

The news I'm watching just showed the inside of a strip club. Somehow I can't see how upholstered furniture in such a setting could ever be a good idea.

Lastly, there's been a hullabaloo over a coach who was fired at Jackson Public Schools. In case you're unfamiliar with the city, let's just say the only way you can get fired at JPS is to fornicate with and/or sell drugs to a student in front of the principal, superintendent, and three news cameras. Of course, since basketball is the most important thing, the parents are yelling to get him reinstated immediately. Because he won a lot. And winning is, well, more important that how you play (or coach) the game. He was just quoted on TV as saying that the "ends justify the means if these kids get to go to college." So if he beats them to make them train harder, it's justified if they pick up their Bachelor's? Hmmm...

So that's the daily news from CrazyTown. Hope things are saner in your neck of the woods.

2006/04/03

Taking Account

I'm about tired of putting my money in banks.

A person shouldn't have to wait in line for twenty minutes to deposit a check or get some money out. I know that ATM's have largely taken over that role, but there are times when you want (or need) to deal with a human. Losing your ATM card or needing a large sum from the bank are just two examples. (Remember, the car I just bought cost $600, and my ATM will only allow a withdrawal of $400 a day. And private used car dealers won't take anything but cash. Can't say as I blame them nowadays.)

When I lived in Claxton, Georgia, we kept our money in the Claxton Bank. As the name suggests, I think it had two branches and one was closed most of the time. However, when you walked in, there would rarely be a person ahead of you in line. Over time they got to know your name. Most importantly, everyone there was glad to see you.

At the big banks, everything is backwards. You wait forever (since they're bigger, they should be able to afford more workers) and then the teller acts like you're ruining her schedule when you ask for some help.

My grandma hides her money in the freezer, I'm told. Being a product of the Depression, she has an inherent distrust of banks. With the interest I'm making on my savings account, I think I might place my savings in an old coffee can buried somewhere in the backyard. It would be just as good.

Amazing

Google Analytics recently confirmed that I had a visitor from Iqaluit.

That's right- Iqaluit.

Since I'd never heard of it either, I'll give a brief history lesson.

Iqaluit is the capital of Canada's newest territory, which is predominately Inuit. Situated in extreme northern Canada, temperatures hover below freezing roughly eight months out of the year. The "summer season" is too short to allow trees to grow, so there is little plant life.

Originally started as a U.S. military base in 1942, it is inaccessible by highway. The only realistic way to travel to Iqaluit is by airplane or, in the peak of summer, by boat. Perhaps as a result, a recent census held the population to be just over 5,000 people.

One of those people visited my site, which is incredible to me. (By the way, unknown visitor- if any of the above information is wrong, feel free to comment/correct/supplant it with factual data. I used wikipedia, which is generally accurate, but who knows?)

This is why the Internet astonishes me- what other medium on this planet would allow me, a hapless 1L in Mississippi, the ability to have an audience in Iqaluit, Canada? My words and thoughts are making connections I never even dreamed about.

Remind me to write Al Gore a thank you letter.

Just kidding.

2006/04/02

Daily Driver


I'm the proud new owner of a used 1988 Toyota Camry. (Not the one in the photo- I snagged this one from the Internet.) Mine is dark blue, but is otherwise identical.

Everything in it is in very good shape considering its age. Both original user's manuals were in the glovebox, along with a ten-minute red road flare. The air conditioner still blows cold (I had to turn it off on the trip home because I was chilly) and the cruise control even works.

Even better, the engine only has 151,000 miles on it, which is nothing for a Toyota. A quick calculation confirmed that its currently getting around 35 miles a gallon, which is great considering the high price of gasoline.

The price? $600. Even if it only lasts six months, it was a steal.

2006/04/01

Did I mention...

That Mozilla Firefox is awesome? This browser makes Internet Explorer look like an amateur. Pages that IE wouldn't open will work with Mozilla, as the browser will prompt you to download the required plug-in. My IE would just sit there and show me a white page until I got frustrated and closed it down.

In short, Mozilla is helpful without being obtrusive. I rather like it. It's a free download if you're interested.

I Can See You...

Thanks to Google Analytics, that is.

Here's visitor information since March 29, when I actually was able to begin using the program:


#--------------------------------------------------------
# Geo Map Overlay
#--------------------------------------------------------
Country/Region/City Visits
Clarkston
Jackson
Riverside
Morgantown
Clinton
Carpentersville
Potomac
Mcdonough
Oxford
Clinton
Houston
Congers
Dallas
Asheville
Toronto
Mucurapo
Mount Pearl Park
Singapore
Glasgow
Livingston
Washington

(Don't worry- that's all I know. You big-brother conspiracists can rest easy.)

What's even more exciting is the fact that roughly 70% of my visitors are "direct"- meaning that people are actually taking the time to type my URL address into their browser. That's simply amazing to me. Thank you, everyone, for supporting my little venture.

Good Day

Today my wife and I got up early and headed down to Hattiesburg. We rented bikes and trekked a few miles down the Longleaf Trace, which is an old railroad line that has been paved over. It runs for roughly forty miles toward Prentiss, Mississippi. They hope to connect it eventually with Natchez, but that's in the far future.

We didn't rent ordinary bikes. We rode recumbent bikes. They're known as "bents" in the biking community. Basically, the rider sits in a more reclined position. Imagine sitting with your back against the wall and pushing your coffee table forward. Since it's a more natural motion, you have more power and your back doesn't hurt as much.

In fact, every single speed record for bikes belongs to a recumbent, if the various websites I've visited are telling the truth.

My wife rented a three-wheeled recumbent, which is incredibly easy and fun to pedal. Any time you want to take a break, you can just stop pedalling and catch your breath. We would switch bikes every now and then to work the different muscle groups so we could continue. I think we covered about 14 miles in a little over two hours- not bad for two people who rarely ever bike.

Mozilla

Apparently, the problem I encountered earlier lay with my browser- apparently my Internet Explorer is dying. For some reason, I couldn't download recent versions of any webpages- including my own.

I cleared the cache multiple times and even deleted my favorites- all to no avail.

Finally I turned to Mozilla Firefox, a free internet browser. Everything's currently working fine.
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